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A Golf Story

John, who lived in the north of England, decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy Shawn, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible downpour, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry." John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared so they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Shawn and asked,
"Shawn, do you remember that good looking widow on the farm
we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do," said Shawn.

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house,
and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Shawn said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name and address
instead of telling her your name?"

Shawn's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."
 

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King of Bling
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9,809 Posts
Discussion Starter #643
Robbery.. Panic in suburbia.

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Panic in suburbia....

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon.

He tied up the woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and money.

The man started sobbing and said, 'You can take anything you want. But please untie the rope and free her.’

Thief: 'You must really love your wife!’

Man: 'Not particularly, but she will be home shortly.'


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I get a few good jokes off Gerry the farmer here in Ireland.
A young fella was after a bit of work in the forestry.
He went to the forest manager and asked for work.
So he says 'are ye any good with an axe ?'
' Aye ' he said 'Im a mighty man with the axe'

'So where have you worked dropping the trees ?'

'I spent a few years out in the Sahara''

'But,.the Sahara has no trees at all !'

'That's right' he said .
'I told you I was mighty with the axe !'
 

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King of Bling
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9,809 Posts
Discussion Starter #646
50 Shades of Grey for Seniors

50 Shades of Grey for Seniors


Back and forth. . . in and out. . . in and out . . . a little to the right. . .a little to the left . . .

she could feel the sweat on her forehead. . . between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy. . . with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. forwards then backwards. . forward then backward again. . . and again. her heart was pounding now. . .

Her face was flushed. . . she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder. . . finally, Totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream. .


"OK, OK, you smug bastard! I can't parallel park. You do it!"


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Sorry but not a pub joke but in the spirit of general amusement a video link where an engineer bests porch pirates stealing packages. Depending on your employer may be NSFW. Mods if not OK - please delete.

 

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CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.THANK YOU!
 

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King of Bling
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9,809 Posts
Discussion Starter #653
WARNING.. WARNING.. THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS NOT SUITABLE FOR SMALL CHILDREN, ANIMALS AND OFFICE VIEWING..

This is a typical British Pub Humour joke and if you're easily offended, think Sleepless in Seattle is a good film, have eaten any type of Clear Soup ( such as Minestrone) in the last fortnight, think a Brutale is the best MV design ever made, are named Randy or once tried Cottage Cheese because you was curious how it would taste, then DON'T CLICK on this YouTube link as you WILL BE OFFENDED. .. even though this joke is hilarious !

You have been duly warned.




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