MV Agusta Forum banner

1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
King of Bling
Joined
·
9,817 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

So he asks,'are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'















She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'


.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,953 Posts
:
.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him. She says, 'Hello.'

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

So he asks,'are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'















She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'


.
:laughing::laughing::laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,953 Posts
A doctor and a lawyer friend are having a chat in the bar..

The doctor says do you know what I bumped into a woman patient in the supermarket yesterday and spent over an hour advising her on a health issue. The doctor said I didn't mind helping her but an hour is a long time so do you think I should invoice her for my time ?

The lawyer said well, considering you were in the supermarket and not in your surgery it would be morally wrong and unethical to charge her for your time.

The doc thanked his friend for his kind advice.

Two weeks later he got an invoice from the lawyer ; ))
 

·
King of Bling
Joined
·
9,817 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
.

The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge £300 to answer three questions."

"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"

"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"



.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
483 Posts
Joe dies and goes to heaven and is standing at the pearly gates before he goes in. Before he is allowed to enter heaven an angel tells Joe he must first atone for all of his sins. So, the angel walks him down this long hallway with doors and starts opening them to show Joe what is in side.

Behind the first door there is a man screaming in pain as he is being ravaged by lions. So Joe asks, "Why is this happening? I thought this was heaven?" The angel replies, "This man must atone for his sins."

They walk to the next door and he opens it up to find a woman being bitten all over by venomous snakes so Joe asks, "Why are you doing this to the poor women?" The angel replies, "She also must atone for her sins."

At this point Joe is very nervous and terrified to think what might be in store for him. The angel opens up one more door and John is in there having sex with Kate Upton! John asks, "Why does John get off so easy compared to the rest?" The angel replies, "Kate Upton too must atone for her sins"

Nothing against John, Just happened to be the last person to post:laughing:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,953 Posts
Joe dies and goes to heaven and is standing at the pearly gates before he goes in. Before he is allowed to enter heaven an angel tells Joe he must first atone for all of his sins. So, the angel walks him down this long hallway with doors and starts opening them to show Joe what is in side.

Behind the first door there is a man screaming in pain as he is being ravaged by lions. So Joe asks, "Why is this happening? I thought this was heaven?" The angel replies, "This man must atone for his sins."

They walk to the next door and he opens it up to find a woman being bitten all over by venomous snakes so Joe asks, "Why are you doing this to the poor women?" The angel replies, "She also must atone for her sins."

At this point Joe is very nervous and terrified to think what might be in store for him. The angel opens up one more door and John is in there having sex with Kate Upton! John asks, "Why does John get off so easy compared to the rest?" The angel replies, "Kate Upton too must atone for her sins"

Nothing against John, Just happened to be the last person to post:laughing:

:laughing::cry:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,953 Posts
Fella dies and goes only half way to Purgatory.

Angel explains while in here you must pay for your sins before you can go to heaven. You do this by suffering one of three ordeals. I will show you each one and then you decide.

So the Angel opens a door and shows 200 sinners being boiled up in a big pot of water...The fella doesn't like the look of that so asks to see the second room. In there there are 200 sinners being dipped in acid..
As you can imagine that didn't appeal either.

So the Angel shows him the last door and there stands a couple of guys up to their necks in seven types of shite...The fella turns to the Angel and says, All things considered that doesn't seem too bad really so why is there only two fellas in there and 200 in each of the other two rooms.

The Angel looks to the heavens for the answer and a big voice booms down....Ok boys, tea break is over...Stand on your heads...

: ))
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
22,045 Posts
Yes, yes I do....but methinks I would have stayed home....:smoking:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,695 Posts
I lost my job yesterday as a Walmart Greeter.

A rude, loud, horribly fat woman walked into the store leading two children.

"Good morning, Ma'am" I said just as I had been taught.

"What's so good about it" she sneered.

"Those are two lovely children you have. Are they twins" I asked.

"Of course they're not twins, you moron, one is nine the other is seven. Are blind or just stupid", she asked.

Neither Ma'am, I said. I just can't believe someone fucked you twice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,406 Posts
I lost my job yesterday as a Walmart Greeter.

A rude, loud, horribly fat woman walked into the store leading two children.

"Good morning, Ma'am" I said just as I had been taught.

"What's so good about it" she sneered.

"Those are two lovely children you have. Are they twins" I asked.

"Of course they're not twins, you moron, one is nine the other is seven. Are blind or just stupid", she asked.

Neither Ma'am, I said. I just can't believe someone fucked you twice.

100 points for Carl :naughty::naughty:
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
Top