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post #2 of (permalink) Old 03-21-2011, 12:24 PM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25
How often do you check the air pressure in your tires?

[a] before every ride.

[b] every 1000 miles.

[c] once a year.

You've just overcooked a corner and a crash is inevitable. Your instinct is to

[a] lay the bike down and slide behind it.

[b] try to save it.

[c] look for a llama ranch.

You change your motorcycle's engine oil

[a] every 1500 miles.

[b] every 3000 miles.

[c] every once in a while. Instead you just keep adding oil whenever that little red light comes on.

A proper motorcycle to attach a sidecar to is

[a] a WWII vintage Indian.

[b] a Honda Goldwing.

[c] a Yamaha FJ1200.

How often do you adjust your chain?

[a] Whenever the slack exceeds the manufacturer's limits.

[b] Whenever you can remember.

[c] Huh? Metal chains _can't_ stretch, can they?

Your license plate frame says,

[a] "Cognito ergo zoom!"

[b] "Live to flame, flame to live"

[c] "Caution, rider may bail"

When a friend says that his float bowls are plugged, do you...

[a] Offer to help him clean his carbs.

[b] Ask how much the shop is going to charge him to clean his carbs.

[c] Give him the name of your physician.

When you're following a faster rider on a faster bike than you, do you:

[a] Continue to ride safely at your most comfortable speed

[b] Ride faster to keep up

[c] Ignore your passenger's screams of terror and ride faster to keep up

What's the best way to make yourself a better rider?

[a] Practice, practice, practice

[b] Sign up for track time

[c] Bolt on Kerkers and a new Stage III Jet Kit

[d] Drive down to the bike shop, pick up Bikes 'n' Babes Calendar '93, then ... visualize

Where was the last place you or a member of your riding group was stopped by police for speeding?

[a] the interstate

[b] the state park

[c] the supermarket parking lot

How soon after you bought your bike did you find its rev limit?

[a] 3000 miles

[b] 1500 miles

[c] Down the street from the dealer, as he waved goodbye to you.

How soon after you bought your bike did you find out which parts scraped first in a turn?

[a] 3000 miles

[b] 1500 miles

[c] Down the street from the dealer, as he yelled at you for tagging the rev limiter and careening off a parked minivan across the street

When hanging an impromptu wheelie after turning down a side street and noticing a police officer watching you from 100 yards away, do you:

[a] Pull over immediately and wait for the officer to administer the ticket.

[b] Stop the wheelie, keep going like nothing happened, and hope the officer is in a good mood when he catches you.

[c] Wave with the front wheel still dangling in the air, take off down the street and hide in your ex-girlfriends house while the officer flies by looking for you.

Your friend has just finished wiping down his late-70's Goldwing with ArmorAll - including the seat. Do you:

[a] Warn him that nothing short of Velcro will keep him on that seat, and suggest he clean off the stuff with ArmorAll Cleaner;

[b] Keep you mouth shut and wait to see what happens;

[c] [b], and then [a]

After their first ride on a motorcycle with you, your friend

[a] thanks you and compliments your skills.

[b] looks like a stunned rabbit.

[c] files a civil complaint.

[d] eats your cat.

On a ride, you go out of your way to find

[a] scenic vistas.

[b] twisty roads.

[c] somebody to race at a stop light.

You've just arrived at a campsite for the night. The first thing you do is:

[a] set up your tent.

[b] pull out a beer.

[c] pick up your bike.

Rule #1 is "Never sell a Ducati". Rule #2 is

[a] "see rule #1"

[b] ... never sell a what?

[c] ... why not?

When confronted with a barrier across a small bridge do you:

[a] turn around

[b] blow past the barriers and cuss at the idiots who put the signs up

[c] wait until they take the barriers down (days/months pass....)

Have you ever lead the local police on a chase past the local biker hangout

[a] by mistake?

[b] just because you forgot to get your license?

[c] just to show off to your buddies?

You wouldn't consider of starting a ride without your

[a] helmet.

[b] sunglasses.

[c] roll of duct tape.

Safety wiring is

[a] a big minus when looking over a used motorcycle.

[b] a must.

[c] second only to duct tape.

When going along a bridge, and you suddenly come across a slippery metal grated section, do you;

[a] start praying the rosary.

[b] yell "OH HOLY LAMAS!" and hope that you don't fall.

[c] seize the opportunity to test your "wet riding" skills, and open it up!

When you subscribe to a motorcycle mailing list, is your userid:

[a] david

[b] Dave.Honda

[c] DiscoDave

The first thing you do after a ride is

[a] wash your bike.

[b] grab a beer from the fridge.

[c] use your one allowed phone call to call Mom.

What do you think about duct tape?

[a] I don't think about it any more than I have too.

[b] My bike would fall apart without it!

[c] I couldn't be without the quacking sounds coming from my bike's stereo!

Do you think of curbs as:

[a] A nice place to brace your rear tire when street parking.

[b] A nice little jump to the street while running sidewalks.

[c] A berm for street racing.

Packing for a long ride means

[a] carefully distributing the heavy items to the lower parts of your color-matched Fischer-Price hard luggage.

[b] Tossing a few things in a tank bag or tail pack.

[c] Checking to make sure the comb doesn't fall out of your back pocket.

The first piece of riding gear you purchased was:

[a] a helmet

[b] a two (or more) color leather jacket

[c] sun glasses

Your average group ride finishes up at

[a] someone's house for a BBQ.

[b] a pub.

[c] an emergency room.

[d] the precinct station.

Your winter storage regimen consists of

[a] removing the battery, placing a small amount of oil in the cylinders, topping up the gas, and blocking up the wheels.

[b] covering it with a tarp.

[c] convincing your roommate that it'd look _great_ in the living room.

Before starting to ride do you:

[a] check to make sure all lights, cables and hydraulics are in good working order.

[b] make sure your radar detector is turned on

[c] rev the engine up to 6k from a cold start to shorten warm-up time.

Tire warm-up involves:

[a] 15 miles or 20 minutes of gentle riding.

[b] a series of swervies from the driveway.

[c] strictly a function of lean angle

When starting off on a ride, your first actions when getting onto a street are:

[a] carefully look both ways, monitoring the degree of engine warm-up and road surface conditions.

[b] immediately pull a series of tight swervies to warm up your tires more quickly.

[c] pop a wheelie to the first intersection.

When installing a new muffler did you:

[a] stick with manufacturers original equipment.

[b] install a SuperTrapp so you can tune it.

[c] install a "track only" model and then tell police you just blew a baffle and mean to replace it as soon as you get home.

A fairing screw falls out 50 miles from the nearest town. You

[a] pull a spare out of your tank bag.

[b] find some bailing wire just off the shoulder and tie the fairing back on.

[c] whip out your ever present roll of duct tape.

You are sitting in a hot tub, draining the life out of a beer, your friends decide to go for a quick ride, you

[a] stay where you are. hell, you have had half a beer!

[b] dump the remaining beer and throw on your leathers.

[c] don your flip-flops, shorts, tanktop and sunglasses, crush the can against your forehead, and go.

[d] say "Wait for me!", and go riding in the nude.

When on a long motorcycle trip, you take pictures of

[a] the scenery

[b] the road signs

[c] your motorcycle

Your helmet falls off your bike while you are pumping gas. You

[a] ride home carefully and send the helmet to the manufacturer for inspection.

[b] inspect the helmet yourself and decide that it's ok.

[c] hope that the new chip matches the one on the other side.

You stop at a convenience store in the middle of a long ride. You buy

[a] a banana and a few high-energy bars.

[b] a 60 oz. soft drink.

[c] a case of beer and a roll of duct tape.

Someone suggests that a 1000 question squid test be compiled. You

[a] run and hide.

[b] volunteer a "friend".

[c] shout to the net, "I'll do it!"

Squid Purity Test

Original Text Copyright (C) 1993 Jeff Earls
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