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post #1 of (permalink) Old 03-21-2011, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
New Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25
Squid Test

I found this article on some website. I found it funny, I thought some of you might get a kick out of this.

This test assesses your overall qualities as a motorcycle rider. A grade will be returned after you submit the form. Try to answer as much as you can! You will be penalized by the percentage of questions left un-answered. Good luck and ride safe...

When asked by the officer to show proof of insurance, do you
[a] Pull the insurance certificate from your jacket pocket.
[b] Rummage around in your wallet and tank bag for five minutes and then exclaim, "the dog ate it!"
[c] Glance down at his/her gun and try to guess how many rounds are loaded
[d] Drop the clutch and whack open the throttle.
[e] Recite the policy number from memory

You have just hit reserve on your gas tank. Do you
[a] Continue on to the next gas station?
[b] Ride as far as gas allows, and hike to the nearest gas station?
[c] Pass the next station, and figure you've got enough range to make it to the next town?

Your first question on regaining consciousness is:
[a] Is everybody all right?
[b] Is my bike OK?
[c] Can I ride it home with the forks bent under like that?

How often do you lube your chain:
[a] Every 300 miles.
[b] When it starts to make noise.
[c] Chains come with lube on them, don't they?

When you lean hard into a turn, which usually scrapes the road first?
[a] Your floorboards.
[b] Your footpeg feelers.
[c] Your helmet.

A helmet can best protect you in a fall if its
[a] on your head.
[b] on your arm.
[c] bungeed to the rear of the seat.

You like to ride in a group because
[a] help is immediate in case of an accident.
[b] there are more eyes looking out for cops.
[c] there is always someone to race.

Have you ever neglected to put your feet down at a stop sign?
[a] No
[b] Yes, but I meant to do it; working on my balance.
[c] Yes, but I caught it before I went over.
[d] Yes, and the $#@!! fell over in the street next to a school bus full of high-school kids.

A bad crash trashes your leathers. you:
[a] buy a new set.
[b] have them fixed at a leather shop.
[c] fix them yourself with duct tape.
[d] "what leathers?"

You go to breakfast before a ride, and during the pre-ride posing, a friend notices your master link clip missing. you:
[a] call a friend with a truck and tow it home.
[b] ride with your friend to a local shop and get a new master link.
[c] go to the nearest hardware store and safety wire it.
[d] go riding. It hasn't fallen apart yet, so it probably won't during the ride.

You go to breakfast before a ride, and during the pre-ride posing, a friend notices a spot of oil under your bike. you:
[a] call a friend with a truck and tow it home.
[b] say, "It's just marking it's spot".
[c] borrow a flashlight, find the source, and apply a wad of bubble gum.

You bought your latest bike because of its
[a] record of reliability.
[b] performance specifications.
[c] way cool paint job.

You replace your tires when
[a] They reach the wear bars.
[b] The wear bars wear off.
[c] The rubber is so thin that the tires lose all their air while parked overnight.

You replace your brake pads when
[a] they reach the manufacturer's wear limit.
[b] they start scoring the rotors.
[c] ... you don't know. You've never had a bike last that long.

To you, "counter-steering" is
[a] pushing on the right bar to turn right.
[b] a myth.
[c] directing the bike shop counter dude to the particular moto sticker you want.

A long ride is
[a] 1000 miles in one day.
[b] 1000 miles over a weekend.
[c] 5 passes up and down the strip.

Your favorite motorcycle movie is
[a] "Harley-Davidson: An American Legend"
[b] "V-Four Victory"
[c] "Cool as Ice"

The proper way to pass a car on a two-lane road is
[a] to signal your intention and wave to the car after passing.
[b] turn on your high-beam while passing.
[c] maintain a wheelie for the duration of the pass.
[d] on the inside of a blind curve.

The motorcycle calendar in your garage is titled
[a] "American Classics"
[b] "Motocourse 1993"
[c] "Hot Dates"

You think that turbocharging a motorcycle is
[a] juvenile and dangerous.
[b] a good project for the mechanically inclined tinkerer.
[c] the only way to outrun the police.

You quit lane splitting when the flow of traffic approaches:
[a] 35 mph
[b] 45 mph
[c] 85 mph

When out riding with a group you:
[a] keep a steady pace with the group
[b] pass slower riders in the twisty parts
[c] give it full throttle on the straights to catch up with all the riders who passed you in the twisties.

When you park your motorcycle, do you:
[a] carefully back into a parking spot so it will be easy to leave.
[b] ride in, assuming you'll be able to back your way out.
[c] ride in at 60 mph, and see how many bikes you can cause to fall over.

The best way to improve performance of a ZX-11 is:
[a] Use high test gas.
[b] Nitrous Oxide Injection.
[c] Install P-51 Mustang Engine.

The reason you drill your own brake rotors is:
[a] To reduce the brake friction area so brake pads last longer.
[b] So you can look as cool as the rest of the guys in the drive-in!
[c] To remove weight from the front of the bike, so you can wheelie better.

Single front brake disk rotors are better than dual rotors when:
[a] You only have one front caliper.
[b] You don't have both red and green paint handy.
[c] Brakes? Feelthy brakes? I never use no brakes!

The best passenger to have on a bike is:
[a] Your mother-in-law.
[b] The 300 lb. barmaid from that last truckstop.
[c] Baa Baa or Debbie.

You decide to make your mark on the net. So you:
[a] post something about riding a "spout" bike.
[b] post dozens of ghost-posts with the name Ravi Narayan.
[c] send Christopher Perez's name to the BMW Motorcycle Owners of America.

For your preferred riding, you measure time in:
[a] days
[b] hours
[c] minutes
[d] seconds
[e] tenths of seconds

How do you counter steer?
[a] You push with your knees.
[b] You lean strongly counter to the direction you want to go.
[c] After that last beer, you use the counter to steer yourself around.

A cafe racer is:
[a] A coffee-a-holic who races to get the last cup outta the pot.
[b] Somebody that sits around in cafes and talks about racing.
[c] Somebody who can't ride anywhere near as fast as I can.

How do you kick start your bike?
[a] You snarl at it until it starts.
[b] You push the florescent button marked "kick start".
[c] You always park on hills so you don't have to mess with that.

You're following a motor home on a twisty mountain road, and:
[a] You wave your arms and blow your horn, hoping he'll pull over.
[b] You pass him on the first left hand turn, since that's the shortest line.
[c] You pass him on the right berm, since there's at least 2 feet of clearance.

You want the latest hi-tech parts on your bike, so you:
[a] install Kelvar brake pads so you're bullet proof.
[b] paint the bike day-glo pink to be sure people notice you.
[c] install a 500 Watt sound system with stereo earphones in your Oakley Blades

You are telling riding stories. Other than your usual riding buddies, who are you most likely to be talking to?
[a] yourself
[b] the net
[c] your insurance agent
[d] your probation officer

You just crashed your bike on main street during bike week. You say,
[a] "HOW'S MY BIKE!?"
[b] "Listen little girl, get your damn tennis ball out of here before I tell your mom you left an ice cream sandwich in the glove compartment."
[c] "Damn I hate when that happens ... got beer all over my Oakleys"
[d] "Cool"

For you, the primary advantage of a high horsepower (>100) moto is:
[a] increased carrying capacity
[b] decreased passing distance
[c] less front tire wear

You've just bought a Yamaha V-Max, the first aftermarket accessory you're considering is
[a] a sidecar
[b] stiff fork springs
[c] a supercharger kit

Your yearly insurance bill for your latest motorcycle is
[a] between $200 and $1000
[b] between $1000 and $2000
[c] between $2000 and $3000
[d] $0. Insurance companies refuse to cover you.

Your first trip back to the dealer after purchasing a new motorcycle is for
[a] the 600 mile break-in service.
[b] a new clutch lever.
[c] a new gas tank and fairing parts.

You communicate with your passenger via
[a] an intercom
[b] handsignals
[c] hard braking and rapid acceleration so that your helmets clonk together in morse code.

When you inspect your tires after a ride, it is to
[a] look for small nails.
[b] see how far you're getting over.
[c] see if there is still air in them.

You like to start a weekend ride
[a] before 5 in the morning.
[b] not before noon.
[c] only after a few beers.

The most important item in your tank bag is
[a] your tire repair kit.
[b] your sunglasses
[c] your supply of golf balls and sparkplugs.

You wave to other motorcyclists
[a] always
[b] only if they're riding the same brand of bike as you.
[c] only when they're pulled over by the police.

You think you can outrun
[a] a police paddy-wagon.
[b] a police cruiser.
[c] a police pursuit car.
[d] a motorola.

Each time you see an oncoming police car, you expect
[a] a friendly wave.
[b] another week in traffic school.
[c] a high-speed chase.

Your speed is limited by
[a] posted speed limits.
[b] road conditions and visibility.
[c] quantum mechanics.
[c] whatever is on sale at the supermarket.
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