Just for Laughs: It's that time of year, so let's have your best Pub Joke.. - MVAgusta.net
 338Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-11-2015, 07:45 AM Thread Starter
JDS
King of Bling
 
JDS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 9,783
Send a message via MSN to JDS
Just for Laughs: It's that time of year, so let's have your best Pub Joke..

..

Okay, I'll go first..


"I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day.

Apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69"...





All jokes are welcome and there isn't any Politically Correctness restrictions... Anything goes, and remember guys, its only a joke...( as long as it doesn't fall within racial or violence incitement).

Lets see what you're made of Peeps.


.


.

EMAIL :
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
JDS is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-11-2015, 10:57 AM
Senior Member
 
adecritten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,025
Wink The Wank Sock

Wank sock is the perfect gift for any true wanker .................

http://www.wanksock.com/
Attached Images
 
adecritten is offline  
post #3 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-11-2015, 02:35 PM
Senior Member
 
andrew fotheringham's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: south wales uk
Posts: 2,222
What would Elvis be doing if he was alive today? Scratching his coffin
andrew fotheringham is offline  
post #4 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-11-2015, 03:50 PM
Senior Member
 
midget81's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Sydney
Posts: 486
Quote:
Originally Posted by JDS View Post
..

"I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day.

Apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69"...


.
GOLD.....pure GOLD

Cheers
Terry
2011 F4
midget81 is offline  
post #5 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 03:49 AM Thread Starter
JDS
King of Bling
 
JDS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 9,783
Send a message via MSN to JDS
Wink

..

Is that your best pub jokes ?... F**k me you're a boring bunch..

Okay, here another one..


My mate thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him...



.
NippyNelmo, SoNaked and SoNaked like this.

EMAIL :
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
JDS is offline  
post #6 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 07:35 AM
Senior Member
 
adecritten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,025
Wink Octopus

Bloke walked into a quiet country pub accompanied by his pet octopus. They both sat at the bar having a few pints when one of the locals asked about the octopus as it was slithering up and down the chair leg.

The owner said it was a very famous and musically talented octopus!!

The barman listening to all this said he had a banjo in the car if the beast fancied his chances he'd give him a fiver if he could get a tune out of it!!

Giving it to the octopus, within 5 minutes it was strumming the banjo like a true professional and was duly paid the fiver.

Obviously the noise combined with the spectacle of having an octopus drinking beer attracted attention from others at the bar.

Next up it was a violin for a tenner!!

After opening the case the octopus looked at if for a while before finishing his pint and tucking the violin under his chin and playing it like Yehudi Menuhin................

By this time quite a crowd had gathered around the stranger with the talented musical octopus.

Over the next hour or so the octopus drank a few more beers and played a harmonica, guitar, bassoon, harp and a trumpet all belonging to folk at the bar and indeed made quite a few quid.

A 'canny' scots bloke was sat at the other end of the bar watching what was happening and saw his chance to make an easy fifty quid.

Slipping out to his car he came walking back into the bar with a set of bagpipes under his arm, he challenged the owner of the octopus to a fifty pond bet that (even though highly skilled) he couldn't get a tune from a set of bagpipes!!

The bet was accepted and the octopus began familiarizing himself with this new instrument.

Ten minutes past by and there was nothing.

Fifteen minutes past by, at which time the octopus which was full of beer had now fallen off its chair and was wresting under the table with the bagpipes, but still no sound!!

The scotsman by this time saw the octopus was clearly struggling and asked the owner for the fifty quid................as 'a bet is a bet'!!

The owner calmly looked over to the scotsman and replied ......

"Don't worry, just give him another couple of minutes because as soon as he finds he cant fuck it.............he'll play it!!!
NippyNelmo and RobK like this.
adecritten is offline  
post #7 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 09:18 AM
Old Wing Nut
 
esq'z me's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 17,447
Send a message via Skype™ to esq'z me
Long, but good one Ade.....

I used to be fast....now I just dream about it.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

'08 910R (Gina), '04 F4 SPR #275 Track Bike (Lola), YSR50 (The Rabbit), '71 CB100 (Lil' Red), '75 RD350C (Orange Bird) restoration project, '08 TT-R110 (Buster) Pam's ride, 2015 Indian Chieftain (Rita) my "low-n-slow", '70 Suzuki F50 (Baby Blue), 2018 Suzuki GSX-S750L8 (Susie Q)
esq'z me is offline  
post #8 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 11:25 AM
Old Wing Nut
 
esq'z me's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 17,447
Send a message via Skype™ to esq'z me
Talking

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her ...cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.
Attached Images
 

I used to be fast....now I just dream about it.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

'08 910R (Gina), '04 F4 SPR #275 Track Bike (Lola), YSR50 (The Rabbit), '71 CB100 (Lil' Red), '75 RD350C (Orange Bird) restoration project, '08 TT-R110 (Buster) Pam's ride, 2015 Indian Chieftain (Rita) my "low-n-slow", '70 Suzuki F50 (Baby Blue), 2018 Suzuki GSX-S750L8 (Susie Q)
esq'z me is offline  
post #9 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 11:35 AM
Senior Member
 
Ian SAVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NC. USA
Posts: 4,538
New Site Garage
Send a message via Skype™ to Ian SAVS
Talking Freudian Slip

A man walks into his office and comes across a good mate where he proceeds to tell an embarrassing story.

" I had the worst Freudian slip today Steve, I have that business trip coming up and when I went to the travel department, that amazing blond with the perfect breasts was at her desk wearing a low cut blouse. What I meant to say was 'I need two tickets to Pittsburgh', but I actually said, was ' I need two pickets to titsburg!' I was so embarrassed that I just walked out of the office. "

"That's nothing" says Steve, "I was sitting at the breakfast table with my wife this morning, and what I meant to say was 'could you please pass the jam?' but what I actually said was ' I hate you, you fat bitch, why don't you pack your fucking bags and leave?!'"

What we've got here, is failure to communicate.
Ian SAVS is offline  
post #10 of 627 (permalink) Old 12-12-2015, 01:58 PM
Senior Member
 
Red800's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Somerset UK
Posts: 431
New Site Garage
Name:  ImageUploadedByMotorcycle1449950329.076715.jpg
Views: 1515
Size:  110.6 KB
Armando1969 and Armando1969 like this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Bruce
MY15
Edition1 Turismo
Red800 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Red800 For This Useful Post:
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to use all of the features of the MVAgusta.net site, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome